This is a post for those of us who’ve lived, learned, healed, at least to a degree, and still find some days surprisingly hard.
Apparently, this is the part where I’m meant to have it all figured out, or at least, that’s what I’d told myself!
The lived experience.
The lessons learned the hard way.
The holistic knowledge I’ve worked so hard to gain about health, healing, and myself.
The ability to support others calmly, thoughtfully, with perspective, and without judgement.
All of that is supposed to add up to a chapter where things finally feel settled, certain and clearer,… right?
And yet, here I am!…
Still having days where my energy seems to disappear for no obvious reason.
Still feeling unsure of myself and my place in the world at times.
Still needing more rest than I think I should.
Still pausing mid-thought and realising I don’t actually have the answer, or even the words, that I would usually offer someone else.
I’ve experienced quite a lot.
I’ve known trauma, illness, recovery, and the slow, quiet work of rebuilding everything. I’ve learned how to listen to symptoms, the signals, the subtle or sometimes forceful ways we’re asked to slow down and pay attention. I’m often the person others can come to for assistance, reassurance, perspective, or just a steady presence.
And still, sometimes I can struggle myself.
Not dramatically.
Not in a “everything-is-falling-apart” way.
But in a quiet, ordinary, very human way.
For a long time, I thought this must mean I’d missed something, or that I was doing something wrong. That I should be past this by now and have everything figured out!
What I’m learning though, is that this isn’t how growth-or life works.
Wisdom doesn’t mean being finished, healing doesn’t mean immunity, and learning doesn’t stop just because we’ve already learned a lot.
If anything, it asks for us to adapt, to gain a different kind of understanding, it doesn’t undo what I’ve learned or cancel out the growth I’ve made, but it does bring a gentle reminder that learning and growth never stops, and that the compassion I offer so easily to others needs to include me too. And that, in itself, is growth, it’s something I never used to recognise.
Some days that might look like resting earlier than planned.
Some days it looks like not pushing on or searching for clarity.
Some days it’s simply noticing the old familiar urge to be hard on myself… and choosing not to be!
There’s no big revelation here guys, there’s no epiphany or neat ending.
Just a growing understanding from me, one that I hope you can relate to as well, that healing doesn’t make us immune to being tired, experiencing uncertainty, or exclude us from the need for compassion or gentleness.
And if you find yourself here too, if you’re someone who’s done a lot of inner work, someone who shows up so often for others, and wonders why it can still feel so hard sometimes, I want you to know there’s nothing wrong with you.
You’re not behind.
You’re not failing.
And you’re certainly not alone!
With warmth, love, and light
Liz xx